the real me

It was two years ago when Gabby went home to heaven. Lately, I have been thinking about her alot more than usual. And so it has caused to think back to everything that happened when she was born, all the time we had with her, the morning she went to heaven, and the journey we have been on since. There is so much I could say about all of that, but I think the most important thing I have learned and continue to learn everyday is to truly and honestly be thankful in all situations. Its more than just saying it, but its really about what's in my heart, the parts only I know about.

After Gabby passed on to heaven, one of the things i struggled with was wanting to be able to hold her again, and to feel her little fingers wrapped about my finger. I remember crying out to God, "God, i just want to hold her one more time". We didnt always get to hold her because of all the tubes and wires, and after her surgery we got to hold her even less, so each moment of holding her was so special.

One day I was looking through pics of Gabby's life, and I came across one of me holding her the night before her surgery. The first thought that popped into my head was "Thank you God for this photo!" It helped me realize how much I was really changing. I was truly thankful for that moment. When I opened my eyes again, I started thanking God for all the things in my life. Once we allow our heart to really change, the evidence flows out. The truth is that people's heart do change one way or the other. By that I mean, you can become thankful and grateful, or you can hold on to the hurt, or pain, and become bitter and miserable. Sadly, 80% of families who have a child pass away go through a lifetime of hurt, pain and end in divorce. Its so important to be thankful from the inside out.

I encourage you, whatever you are going through, the way out starts by thanking God. I know it may seem hard or a little strange, but its really not. I thank God for Gabby and for how much hair she had on her head. I thank God for each day I saw her, and for each time she would look at me. I thank Him for each song I got to sing to her. I thank God for letting me be her daddy! God is good!

I do think about her alot, like what she would look like and be learning, but each time I do, I thank God for her. It makes it so much easier to thank Him in other situations, and to thank Him for my other daughter, bella, and for my wife, heather. This is the real me.

If you are struggling with a situation or if you are having a hard time being truly grateful, ask God to help you. He is an ever present help in time of trouble. Heather and I are praying for you and we are thankful for your prayers and for being part of our lives. Praise the Lord!