Refelcting On Memories

So, yesterday at work, I went to open iPhoto to grab a pic for a job I was working on, and it opened up to an album of me holding Gabby, and heather holding Gabby, and bella holding Gabby's hand. Needless to say, I was instantly overwhelmed. I was not expecting to see those photos right then, and was in hurry to finish my work, so I could leave for the day. But as I sat there, I could remember that moment from the pictures as if it happened yesterday. I closed my eyes, and just thought about the moment. The clothes I wore that day, how excited Bella was to be able to go into the NICU and see Gabby, how glad I was to see and hold Gabby, the look on Heather's face when she picked her up, Bella talking in a little girl voice, 'Hi Gabby, I'm Bella. I'm your big sister.' It was so vivid in my mind. It was that moment alone in my office, that God spoke to me, in just the way I was needing.

I have really been struggling, and working through my regrets and memories from when Gabby was born through the time she went home. I know the scripture 'there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.', but thats where I am at in this journey. Cause I wish I could have been there longer, or stayed later, or sang another song to her, or gotten earlier to go be with her....so many thoughts...good thoughts, joyful thoughts, things I want to redo...please don't misunderstand me, every memory is precious, but at the same time every fiber of my being wants to be back in those moments, just to cherish them a little bit more. Just to hold her for 2 more minutes. It is SO important that we cherish and protect every moment with those we love. After all we are not promised tomorrow....

Sitting there in my office, trying to be strong and not totally start bawling, I felt God's presence come in and literally surround me. It was like I could feel Him come in and move in a circle around me. The best image I can think of is from a photo of cattle when they would circle around the young with their backsides together and all facing out....I felt so safe and free. You can't tell me God ever stops thinking of me. or you for that matter. I felt like he told me to rehearse those moments and thank Him for them. Just like I have been reading in the Old Testament where children of Israel would constantly rehearse, talk through, the entire journey of their people. The good and the bad, and they praised God. So, the best I could I rehearsed God's goodness in my life.

There is so much freedom, hope, and healing in thanksgiving. Be encouraged and confident in God. Remember to rehearse your journey in life with thanks to God. As you do, you will find exactly what you need.